What not to say or do to a pregnant woman

Now that I'm incubating my own spawn I've realized that many people have no clue how to interact with pregnant women in a way that doesn't warrent them getting stabbed. I'm going to tell you a few of the things that'll surely piss off the pregnant women & will ensure that they never speak to you again.

* Rubbing her belly without asking her first. I'm only 10 weeks and I've already had well meaning people come up and rub my non-existant belly. It's annoying and extremely rude, don't do it.

* Taking food off her plate or napkin without asking. Pregnant women are hungry, they need the food more than you, leave it be and keep your damn hands to yourself.

* Asking stupid questions, like "how's the morning sickness?" Or, "how much weight have you gained?" My responses are normally along the lines of, "I throw up 85% of all mornings, it's just fucking fabulous." Or " the last time I checked it was really none of your goddamn business." Hey, I never said I wasn't a brazen asshole.

* Don't comment on what she's eating. Seriously. Just don't.

* Don't ask her every single hour how she's doing. A woman I work with does this bless her heart & I know she means well but damn. That being said, if you know I don't feel well, it's acceptable to ask me every little while and/or offer to buy me some crackers & water as a peace offering.

That's all I can really think of right now, I'm sure I'll think of more & I'll edit my post when I do.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry